Teaching Young Children Self-Regulation Skills through Appropriate Guidance

By: Dr. Michelle Fazio-Brunson, Northwestern State University of Louisiana

From Control to Self-Regulation

In early childhood education, traditional models of discipline that rely on punishment and adult control are increasingly understood to be ineffective, and often counterproductive, in shaping young children’s behavior. Educators who espouse Developmentally Appropriate Practices (DAP) (Copple et al, 2020) recognize that young children’s behavior is not something to be controlled from the outside; rather, children must be supported in learning to regulate their own actions and emotions (Muir et al, 2024). This process, known as self-regulation, refers to the ability to manage thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in ways that support social competence, problem solving, and goal-directed action. Self-regulation is critical because it is a strong predictor of both social competence and lifelong outcomes, including academic success and mental health (Muir et al., 2024).

The concept of self-regulation aligns with DAP, which emphasizes supporting children’s active role in learning rather than imposing adult-centered behavior control. According to DAP principles, teachers should focus on guidance that helps children internalize prosocial behaviors such as sharing, cooperation, empathy, and respect (Martin et al., 2024). Punitive systems, including behavior charts or punitive responses, do not teach children how to self-control; they only signal to others which children are behaving “well” or “inappropriately” on a given day. Moreover, punitive teacher behaviors have been linked with weaker gains in children’s self-regulation (Phillips et al., 2022)

What Appropriate Guidance Is and Is Not

Appropriate guidance is rooted in respect and responsive interaction (Howard et all., 2024). It rejects loud voices, harsh treatment, humiliation, and punishments that make children feel bad about themselves. Instead, it promotes teaching children the internal skills of self-regulation by honoring their feelings, needs, and developmental capacities (Ritgens et al., 2024). It helps foster prosocial skills such as cooperation, helpfulness, empathy, respect, and self-esteem; it is a bottom-up process where children are active participants in their own growth rather than passive recipients of external control. Effective guidance respects children’s needs and recognizes that challenging behavior is often a form of communication about unmet needs, inviting teachers to meet those needs rather than simply suppressing inappropriate behaviors. This approach is consistent with current research showing that positive classroom practices, such as emotionally supportive interactions and scaffolding of self-regulatory behavior, are crucial for development (Ritgens et al., 2024).

Behavior as Communication and the Role of the Teacher

When children display challenging behavior, they are communicating unmet needs, such as hunger, frustration, or difficulty with social interactions. Rather than responding with punitive tactics, developmentally appropriate teachers interpret the behavior, acknowledge the child’s feelings, and provide tools to help the child express emotions and solve problems. For example, asking a child, “What’s happening? How do you feel? What would help you feel better?” helps the child reflect, communicate, and make better choices in the future. This strategy is supported by research emphasizing the importance of teacher-child relationships. Positive teacher–child interactions, in which educators respond sensitively and empathetically to children’s emotional needs, support the development of emotional self-regulation and social competence in preschool settings (Levickis et al., 2024).

Assessing Behavior and Environmental Influences

Before selecting strategies, effective educators assess patterns in behavior through documented observations rather than reacting impulsively. Observations can reveal triggers such as low blood sugar before snack time or restlessness before naptime. When teachers note these patterns, they can adjust schedules, environments, or routines in ways that support children’s needs and decrease opportunities for challenging behavior. For example, environmental design is a powerful preventive strategy. Classrooms with clearly defined learning centers, accessible materials, and spaces that accommodate a variety of social activities help children stay engaged and reduce the likelihood of inappropriate behavior. Research on classroom environments identifies features such as emotionally supportive interactions and effective classroom management as predictors of self-regulation growth in children (Nilfyr & Ewe, 2025).

Core Appropriate Guidance Strategies

Based on current research protocol for utilizing appropriate guidance with young children, we expand on Beaty’s (2005) framework of 50 guidance strategies to help young children self-regulate below.

1. Utilize Appropriate Classroom Design

Classroom space profoundly influences behavior. Thus, effective classroom design considers children’s developmental needs and interests. Open spaces without structure may encourage running and high energy, whereas clearly defined centers promote organized engagement. When children are motivated and engaged, misbehavior naturally decreases. Research supports that structured, predictable environments with consistent routines contribute positively to self-regulation and social functioning. A supportive classroom atmosphere is part of the self-regulatory classroom environment, which includes strong management, emotionally supportive interactions, and intentional self-regulation teaching moments (Martin et al., 2024).

Some design principles to consider include:

• clearly defining each space in the classroom

• ensuring materials are accessible at children’s height

• providing ample supplies for group play

• designing private spaces for quiet play

• arranging materials to facilitate independent, appropriate behavior

2. Plan Developmentally Appropriate Activities

Activities must be age-appropriate, engaging, and meaningful. If children are expected to sit still for long periods (e.g., during extended circle time), misbehavior becomes more likely simply because the activity demands exceed children’s developmental capacities. Offering activities that honor their attention spans and interests fosters engagement and reduces the need for external behavior management. Play-based, engaging activities support self-regulation through practice in real-life social contexts: children learn impulse control, decision-making, and emotional expression during guided play. Play-based curricula help integrate social-emotional and self-regulatory skills seamlessly into daily routines, allowing children to practice self-control, cooperation, and emotional understanding in meaningful contexts.

Strategies include designing activities that are:

• developmentally appropriate

• individually appropriate

• culturally relevant

• interesting and motivating

3. Involve Children in Limit Setting and Rule Making

Clear limits are essential for safety and mutual respect, and they must be positively stated (e.g., “Use walking feet”) and few in number. Involving children in creating these rules increases their ownership and accountability. When children participate in rule formulation, they are more likely to internalize and follow those expectations. This participatory approach aligns with self-regulation research showing that children’s active engagement in social rules and expectations supports internal control and prosocial behavior. Educators who involve children in discussion and reflection promote both understanding and commitment to shared norms (Partee et al., 2025) and help children learn to self-regulate with understanding rather than fear.

Strategies for this recommendation include:

• co-constructing positively-stated rules with children at the beginning of the year

• utilizing classroom meetings when conflicts arise

• working with children to revise rules when necessary

4. Give Positive Attention

Proactive attention to positive behavior reduces the need for reacting to negative behavior, building self-esteem and reinforcing desired social behaviors. Teachers can intentionally affirm prosocial behaviors, acknowledging children’s efforts in sharing, cooperating, or self-calming. Consistent positive attention builds children’s self-esteem and supports prosocial motivation. When children are recognized for positive behavior, they are less likely to seek attention through misbehavior. Contemporary research echoes this: quality early childhood environments that emphasize supportive, responsive interactions strengthen children’s capacity to self-regulate (Silkenbeumer et al., 2024).

Strategies for this recommendation include:

• recognizing when children model prosocial behavior

• using children’s names warmly

• utilizing body language to offer support (e.g., smiling, gesturing)

• responding to children’s initiatives

5. Teach Children to Recognize and Communicate Feelings

Young children often lack the vocabulary for emotions and instead express feelings through actions (e.g., hitting or crying). Teaching children to identify and label emotions through books, play, and discussion helps them connect inner experience with language, an essential self-regulation skill. Once children understand their emotions, they can communicate needs and cope with challenges using language and strategies other than misbehavior.

This aligns with social-emotional learning (SEL) research that finds explicit instruction in emotion recognition and regulation supports social competence and decreases behavior problems. SEL interventions for preschoolers have been shown to improve emotional knowledge and self-regulation (Hosokawa et al., 2024).

Strategies for this recommendation include teaching children how to:

• recognize and identify their own emotions and their peers’ emotions using children’s names warmly

• communicate their feelings

• express feelings appropriately

• use art, movement, and dramatic play to process their feelings

• utilize age-appropriate mindfulness techniques

• engage in calm-down corner activities

6. Teach Problem-Solving Skills

Problem solving is at the heart of self-regulation. When adults solve problems for children, it can unintentionally prevent children from learning problem-solving and self-regulation. Appropriate guidance helps children build cognitive self-control, empathy, and decision-making skills — all essential for long-term social competence and independence. This supports autonomy and teaches cognitive control, a key component of self-regulation. Research indicates that fostering problem-solving opportunities, rather than simply directing children, helps children internalize regulatory skills that they will use beyond the classroom (BAĞCI-ÇETİN, 2025).

A sample scenario might invite children to:

• calm their bodies,

• describe the problem,

• consider how others feel, 

• propose solutions, and

• evaluate outcomes.

7. Redirect Inappropriate Behavior

Redirecting is a common and effective guidance technique that avoids punishment. It involves steering children toward alternative, appropriate activities that satisfy their needs or interests. For example, a child upset at drop-off can be gently redirected to a calming activity like drawing or listening to a story. Children involved in a dispute over a toy can be guided toward taking a turn or finding another toy while waiting. Redirecting helps children pivot their energy and supports emotional self-management without shame or reprimand.

Examples include:

• offering an alternate toy/manipulative

• inviting a child to join a calming activity

• engaging a child in a conversation

Summary and Implications for Practice

Teachers who embrace developmentally appropriate guidance understand that children cannot simply be controlled into compliance. Instead, educators design supportive environments, engage children in meaningful activities and rules, provide positive attention, and explicitly teach emotional vocabulary and problem solving. These strategies help children learn to self-regulate, an essential life skill with long-term implications for academic success, social competence, and mental health. When young children learn to understand, express, and manage their own behavior and emotions, they feel seen, understood, and empowered to take responsibility for their actions. Contemporary research supports these practices, demonstrating that intentional guidance rooted in respect, responsive interaction, and structured support fosters self-regulation and prosocial behavior in young children, far more effectively than punitive discipline systems (Ritgens et al., 2024). In doing so, educators not only reduce misbehavior but also equip children with foundational lifelong skills such as emotional regulation, empathy, problem solving, and social competence. These skills extend beyond the classroom, contributing to positive academic, social, and emotional outcomes throughout childhood and beyond.

---

References

Bağcı-Çetin, B. (2025). The effect of a prosocial behavior psychoeducation program on problematic behaviors and self-regulation skills of 5–6-year-old children. International Journal of Modern Education Studies, 9(1), 198–229. https://doi.org/10.51383/ijonmes.2025.383

Beaty, J. J. (2005). 50 early childhood guidance strategies. Pearson.

Copple, C., Bredekamp, S., Koralek, D., Charner, K., & Hillard, M. A. (2020). Developmentally Appropriate Practice in early childhood programs serving children from birth through age 8 (4th ed.). National Association for the Education of Young Children.

Hosokawa, R., Matsumoto, Y., Nishida, C., Funato, K., & Mitani, A. (2024). Enhancing social-emotional skills in early childhood: Intervention study on the effectiveness of social and emotional learning. BMC psychology, 12(1), 761. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40359-024-02280-w

Howard, S. J., Lewis, K. L., Walter, E., Verenikina, I., & Kervin, L. K. (2024). Measuring the quality of adult–child interactions in early childhood education and care: A systematic review on the relationship with developmental and educational outcomes. Educational Psychology Review, 36(6), 1–30.

Levickis, P., Cloney, D., Roy-Vallières, M., & Eadie, P. (2024). Associations of specific indicators of adult-child interaction quality and child language outcomes: What teaching practices influence language? Early Education and Development, 35(4), 647–666. https://doi.org/10.1080/10409289.2023.2193857

Martin, A., Wright, A., Phillips, D. A., Castle, S., & Johnson, A. D. (2024). Exploring the features of the self-regulatory environment in early childhood classrooms — Classroom management, emotionally supportive interactions, and self-regulation promotion. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 93(101659). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appdev.2024.101659

Muir, R. A., Howard, S. J., & Kervin, L. (2024). Supporting early childhood educators to foster children’s self-regulation and executive functioning through professional learning. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 67, 170–181. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ecresq.2023.12.001

Nilfyr, K., & Ewe, L. P. (2025). Thriving children’s emotional self-regulation in preschool: A systematic review discussed from an interactionist perspective. Education Sciences, 15(137). https://doi.org/10.3390/educsci15020137

Partee, M., & Lhospital, A. S., Hammond, S. A., Williford, A. & Downer, J. (2025). Supporting preschool teachers’ social-emotional competencies and “lenses” for challenging behavior in Virginia’s Early Childhood Mental Health Consultation Program. Social and Emotional Learning: Research, Practice, and Policy. 5. 100096. 10.1016/j.sel.2025.100096

Phillips, D. A., Hutchison, J., Martin, A., Castle, S., Johnson, A. D., & The Tulsa SEED Study Team. (2022). First do no harm: How teachers support or undermine children’s self-regulation. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 59, 172–185. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ecresq.2021.12.001

Ritgens, C., Bondü, R., & Warschburger, P. (2024). Links between self-regulation patterns and prosocial behavior trajectories from middle childhood to early adolescence: A longitudinal study. Frontiers in Psychology, 15. Article 1480046. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1480046

Silkenbeumer, J., Lüken, L. M., Holodynski, M., & Kärtner, J. (2024). Emotion socialization in early childhood education and care – How preschool teachers support children's emotion regulation. Social and Emotional Learning: Research, Practice, and Policy, 4, 100057. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sel.2024.100057

---

Dr. Michelle Brunson directs the graduate programs in Early Childhood Education at Northwestern State University of Louisiana. She is passionate about helping her husband, the Natchitoches District Defender, remap the Cradle to Prison Pipeline to a Cradle to College Pipeline in Louisiana. She can be contacted at faziom@nsula.edu.

Want to get connected? Join one of our online LAAEYC groups to network with other professionals who teach the same age group you do!!